My First TIme

This is my first post on this obnoxiously orange Blogger template. It's just the thing you want to see when you have a hangover.

I have an extensive background in public speaking, and thank god for that. However it's a muscle I haven't used in a very long time. But handy for at least getting over the first hurdle in comedy: getting on stage. That is not to say that there is a lot to learn as this journey has only begun.

It all started with an email from the communications person from the Stephen Lewis Foundation I know. She asked if I might publicize their fundraising campaign, The Dare Campaign.  You get dared to do something and on that dare money is raised.

In this case I had to come up with my own, and as it turned out quickly. An acquaintance from The Toronto Sun, I know, great journalistic stuff. He wanted to do a full page interview on the dare I was going to do. The catch is that I didn't know what I wanted to do. If I was really going to do this, I had to do it.

My choices I gave myself were either doing stand up or jumping out of a plain. First I'm scared to death of heights, and to frank, if I'm going to shit myself I'm doing to do it with my feet firmly set on terra firma. Plus it costs close to 300 bucks. I know I'm a great humanitarian for raising money, but I'm not going to spend my own to do it.

Very quickly, and all thanks to the wonderful host of Spirits Open Mic (as well as Eton Place) who within a few moments of messaging on Facebook booked me a spot of my choosing for the next month. For anyone who know's Spirits, it takes a couple months to get booked.

My stomach sank. This was real now. Just like with porn, (something I'd watch, but wonder what it's like to do, and could never see myself doing it, and then flew off to San Fran to shot a pro film) I found myself in the same position, just this time I get to keep my clothes. I think everyone is thankful for that, as a former exhibitionist, I like to stay dressed, whenever possible.

That is the backdrop. The very first night I had no idea that the venue's owner wanted more clean humour and was getting pissed off with the comics. The comics all met before the show and decided they were going to try to kill the show. I had no idea of any of this back story.

When I get up on stage, the ultimate fear happened: mind going blank. I grabbed the mic and explained I had done a lot of public speaking and never was able to swear on a mic. Then I just started laying it out from shit to cunt. It was rather cathartic after all those years of having to repress what I wanted to say. The more I went on, the more I had the crowd.

First time up, and hell why not, let's talk about doing gay porn. The funny bit is that I have to explain what kind of porn I did, it's just understood.  The punch line, "It's just like doing straight porn except half the cast faces the other way." went over quite well.

I was so nervous about that. Talking about doing gay porn to a very straight Hamilton crowd. They turned out to be very very cool and a lot of fun.

The night finished with one of the comics telling a very annoying heckling couple interrupting all night to go fuck themselves resulting in the owner running up and cutting off the mic with the declaration: THE SHOW IS OVER.

And that was my first night. I had them laughing, and I became officially addicted.